6 Common Family Issues and Ways to Solve Them
It’s easy to see the media’s idealized family portrayals or our friends’ relationships and assume that perfect family lives are the norm. These unrealistic expectations can cause us to feel isolated in our family struggles, but the truth is, every family has its challenges, and if you’re struggling, you’re not alone. There are many different challenges that arise within families. In this post, we’ll discuss six of the most common family issues and what steps you can take to overcome them.
Financial Problems
Financial duress is perhaps the most common reason couples separate. Maybe one partner is a spender and the other is a saver who feels that their hard work and prudence are in vain. 74% of millennials enter marriage in debt, and four in ten people who start a marriage in the red say it has a negative impact. Even if a couple is on the same page regarding finances, the strain of serious financial worry is enough to fray anyone’s nerves.
So, what can be done? As with most relationship problems, transparency and good communication are essential. Share your financial history honestly so that your partner knows what to expect and a foundation of trust is established. Try to come to an agreement or compromise on a budget. Scheduling routine money check-ins will help keep both parties accountable and reinforce the importance of open communication.
Distance
Physical distance can be one of the hardest barriers to overcome in a family. Military and diplomatic families know about the strains that arise when one member is stationed overseas and does not have the option to move or return for holidays. Some say distance makes the heart grow fonder, but not being able to watch a child grow up or share important life stages with your partner can cause serious damage to relationships.
While there is no easy solution for eliminating distance — although technology such as video calls does help — committing to making the most of every chance to see a loved one is key. Often, this means missing other important events such as a friend’s birthday or your favorite band coming to town. It can mean spending money traveling when you’re on a tight budget. However, you have to make choices in life, and if strong family bonds are a priority, capitalizing on chances to see a loved one is a must.
Busy Schedules
Busy schedules can have the same effect on a family as physical distance, only sometimes there is an illusion of closeness if you live together. There can be many valid demands on your time, such as work, chores, and caring for elderly parents, all of which make it difficult to carve extra time out of your day.
As we saw with physical distance, valuing quality over quantity is important here. No, you may not be able to go to every one of your kid’s soccer games, but when you can, show up. Be present, don’t check your phone if possible, and leave work at work. Kids notice when parents are on their phones and feel ignored; your partner will, too. Just as you would at work, put time on your calendar to hold yourself accountable to family time and dates with your partner.
Conflict
While most of us like to avoid arguments, sometimes they are necessary and healthy. What’s more important is how you respond to disagreements and your willingness to listen and try to understand. That being said, chronic conflict can be extremely disruptive to a family dynamic, and it’s a good reason to seek couples therapy.
As much as possible, stop arguments from exploding into fights. If you need to step away to collect yourself so you can respond more constructively, that’s fine. Remember how important this person is to you and avoid saying things you’ll regret. The key is to determine why these disagreements arise and understand the other’s perspective. Only then can you work toward a compromise that everyone will be happy with.
Disagreements on Parenting
Different religious or political beliefs and parenting philosophies can create profound differences in how two partners want to raise their children. Ideally, these issues should be worked out before a couple has kids, but even then, people and circumstances change over time.
To prevent family divisions, a couple will have to compromise even if they don’t always see eye to eye. If you have different parenting styles, try reading books that support the other’s position to understand their views better and challenge your own. Make a list of your respective priorities, and see which you would be comfortable compromising on to accommodate your partner.
Communication
It can be extremely frustrating when someone who is clearly bothered won’t explain him or herself, but it can also be trying if someone does not listen or know when to stop talking. Everyone has their own way of communicating, and even when we have spent years with someone, we may not fully understand it.
Sometimes, you need to be the first person to speak up and establish open communication. Rather than letting things simmer, address them openly. It is uncomfortable, but the only way to find resolutions. If you don’t know your communication styles, take a quiz and use those results to speak to your loved ones in their languages.
When you’re in the midst of them, family issues can feel overwhelming or even unsurmountable. However, there are solutions to every challenge you may face. Identify the problem, brainstorm strategies to address it, and seek out help if you need it. It’s always possible to strengthen and build family relationships for healthier, more fulfilling bonds.
